July 10, 2003
You don't hit the racing sausage with the bat
Perhaps the only worthwhile thing about watching Brewer's games these days is watching the racing sausages that round the field after the sixth inning. Well Randall Simon of the Pittsburgh Pirates decided to make it interesting last night by whacking the Italian sausage with a bat--knocking the sausage, worn by a 21-year old woman, into the hot dog. Both fell down and sustained mild scraping. Fortunately the bratwurst and Polish sausage avoided the collision and were uninjured. There is a lesson here: You don't hit the racing sausage with the bat.
Here's an excerpt of Mike Bauman's sharp analysis on MLB.com:
We have all seen the replays. Simon did not take anything like a full swing at the sausage in question. He did not take a big, full-of-malice swipe at the sausage in question. But there might have been something more than "a tap" applied. And if you're the racing Italian sausage, you don't expect to be struck by any sort of object. Running with that bizarre, rectangular costume on, it might not take much to knock you off your sausage equilibrium, anyway.
I do not know about the racing sausage aerodynamics and neither do you because we have never been racing sausages. And we certainly are not going to start now, after this episode.
You don't hit the racing sausage with the bat. Moses could have brought this back down the mountain with him as the 11th Commandment, but it was so obvious that there was no need. You don't hit the racing sausage with the bat. In addition to his life sentence being known as the guy who hit the racing sausage with the bat, Randall Simon should do some public service time. He should spend an entire day and/or night of a game at Miller Park in the costume of the racing Italian sausage.